Looking for 5 signs the no contact rule is working? How can you get your ex back when you no longer see, speak or write to him or her? Then it becomes a rather psychological challenge.
5 Signs the No Contact Rule is Working
Allow me to share the 5 signs:
Your Ex Attempts to Get in touch with You
You love Spending Much More Time on Yourself
Your Ex Starts Paying Attention to Social Media More
Your Ex Begins Sending You Gifts
Your Ex Is Much More Responsive After No Contact
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The rule of no contact with your ex is in the first place the basis for restoring your relationship
In fact, it is the key to the road to recovery. This rule leads to your ex doubting his choice. He furthermore assumes that you will play the role of ‘asker’, and that includes asking for an explanation and that you will run after him or her.
Purely and simply because there is no longer any contact with your ex-partner, doubt will arise. The fact is that if you constantly try to approach your ex via phone calls or sending text messages (which in any case make it clear to your ex that you do not respect his or her choice), then that is somehow a kind of reassurance for your ex. It gives your ex the feeling that he or she is in his or her power.
It takes effort and dare not to approach your ex
Of course, it is difficult to continue to follow this rule. As we have said many times, you and your ex are not in the same world. In your world, the minutes pass super slowly and seem to last for years. Many of our clients who are being coached often say “yes, I have not sent a text message since 4 pm” or “I have not been in contact with my ex since last Saturday”.
The problem is that the loss of contact does not translate into minutes or hours, not even days. It can be translated into weeks or even months. That is why it is really a daily challenge because a period of 4 days really means nothing. Even a text message in a week is already too much.
Every time you cross the border, it is a waste of the effort already made. Rather, see it as a detox cure. If the temptation becomes too great, remember that respecting the rule of no contact remains the ultimate goal and the only way to achieve concrete results.
When can I contact my ex again?
I want to give you two answers to this question, depending on the situation.
Or you break the rule and contact your ex again: in that case, there must certainly have been weeks (between the minimum of 6 to 9 weeks minimum) and be able to reflect on your own behavior.
You must have reached the stage where you can say you no longer need your ex to survive. You can become happy without your ex. Only then will you be able to contact your ex again without getting emotional, show him or her that you are doing well and that the situation is not a nightmare for you.
Or your ex breaks the rule and contacts you again: that is, of course, the ideal situation. That would mean that you will be rewarded for your effort. Because if your ex contacts you again, it means that his or her curiosity has been aroused. In that case, stay at a reasonable distance. Then try to be the person who breaks the conversation. After all, you have a busy life, right?
On the one hand, you think you can forget your ex by not maintaining contact, on the other hand, you may still hope for that second chance. In short, there is, unfortunately, no direct answer to this question.
You have to make the trade-off between the two choices for yourself. Is there perhaps a second chance? Or do you secretly know that it is hopeless and that you will only hurt yourself even more? It is therefore advisable to use a sober approach to find out what the right choice is for your situation. It is of course not the same for everyone!
Contact or not with the ex? Be sober
After the break between you and your ex, you will probably be overwhelmed by intense emotions that will make you make the wrong choices. This way you can scold your ex one or her skin one time, while you beg a moment later to come back. Don’t give in to these desperate attempts! Such promotions will harm your contact with your ex and have a negative influence!
What do you have to do then? Getting everything straight. This means that you first have to serve your ‘mourning period’. Take a period of rest, in which you speak as little as possible to your ex and keep yourself busy with other matters. After a while (again different for everyone!) You will be able to look back on your relationship clearly.
Re-establish contact with your ex
You have listed your thoughts. You will probably come to the conclusion that you still want to contact your ex. Use these first (light-hearted!) Conversations to determine what the options are. Maybe one of you will take the step to try again. Maybe you will become good friends.
What if your ex thought you had neglected him or her?
As you have read above, in most cases it is the best choice to break the contact. But we understand that it is a very difficult task. You may have been dumped and that is, of course, a painful situation. You prefer to keep control of your ex. When your ex stops responding to your messages, it is difficult to imagine what your ex thinks. Due to the absence of contact, you can do crazy things. You then no longer control yourself. Most people even beg their ex. That is, of course, the worst thing you can do.
But what if your relationship came to an end because your ex thought you ignored or perhaps neglected him or her? Is it, therefore, smart to introduce a period of radio silence? As mentioned earlier in this article, you have to be careful in such cases. If you adopt a resigned posture after the fracture and completely ignore your ex, your ex might blame you sooner or later.
So what can you do best in your situation? I give you some questions for reflection:
- have you always ignored your ex during your relationship and does your ex blame you for that too? My advice: tell your ex that you respect his or her decision and that you both feel that you need some rest to consider the situation. Tell your ex that you will soon hear something from you because you find it very annoying and that ignoring or neglecting was never intentionally your intention.
- have you stalked and begged your ex to give you another chance? then a period of radio silence is very important!
What to do if no contact with your ex turns out to be so difficult?
You miss your ex of course and you prefer to know everything about your ex. When you are not in contact, you will increasingly feel insecure about whether it will ever be okay. Hearing love songs and seeing love movies hurts you a lot. You were once so happy with your great love. You constantly wonder what went wrong and you always look for answers.
Did you act incorrectly so that you separated? How should you proceed now? Are questions that now go through your head. However, bear in mind that your ex will most likely not be able to answer you at this time.
Accept the situation as it is now because you cannot do anything about it right now. In the meantime, you must ensure that you feel as good as possible in these nasty circumstances.
What can you do then?
- Call friends or family who can come to support you.
- Read good books and develop yourself
- Get a nice massage during a day of pampering
- Make sure you look for friends who are funny and who can bring you a smile back on your face
- Give your phone to them so that you are not tempted to contact your ex. It is better to pretend that your ex does not exist at all for the moment. You only push your ex farther away if you all send messages and leave voicemail messages.
You now have control!
Does your ex contact you? In most cases, no contact works really well! In that case, say that you accept the relationship break, but that you do need some time for yourself to get over your grief. Let your ex know that you will contact you again when you are ready. This ensures that your ex gets the chance to miss you. Your ex is no longer in control, you are now in control. Moreover, you show that you think seriously about the relationship and do not want to return just like that.
Take the time to work on yourself, making you even stronger, more confident, and independent. After a while of radio silence, you can contact your ex and you can rekindle your flame.
When you are emotionally dependent, your ex will certainly not find you attractive. Your ex will be positively surprised if he or she sees that you are handling the break so well by giving it peace and space. Your ex had time to think about your nice memories. Your ex could no longer reach you if your ex wanted to talk. Because of this, your ex only became more aware of the mistake he or she had made when you broke your relationship.
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5 signs the no contact rule is working by Theresa Alice