It is often the case that after a break-up, a lot of confusion arises, especially if an ex-partner behaves differently than we would expect. So often I receive questions from people like ‘is my ex still in love with me? how do I know if it is? How do I respond to those signals? “
In this article, we are going to take a closer look at a person’s behavior, signals that show you if they are still in love with you or not.
But first the question: how can infatuation be defined?
Well, if we are physically stimulated and if we call that impatient feeling love, whether it be painful or pleasant, then we are in love. It’s as simple as that.
People do things that betray their infatuation. Certainly from the non-verbal behavior, the body language, you can read whether there is still affection and how strong that affection is.
Is My Ex Still In Love With Me?
In this article, we are going to discuss some of those signs that your ex may still have feelings for you.
First of all:
Eye contact: How does your ex look at you?
When people have a conversation, they look at each other for a moment. For example, a British scientist Mr. Argyl discovered in his work ‘The Psychology of Interpersonal Behavior’ that under normal circumstances people look at each other no more than 30–60% of the time.
The more sympathetic who they find someone or the more we have feelings for them, the more often we will glance at that person.
Not only can we deduce this from the way of looking and how often this happens, but also how long the eye contact lasts.
Then we can also deduce this from the space that someone creates around them (the safe bubble) and the distance one occupies.
When talking to your ex, ask yourself the following question:
Attitude: How does your ex stand or sit during a conversation?
Sir Francis Galton, a Victorian psychologist, was first intrigued by the realization that one person can evaluate someone else’s character and personality without anyone noticing. He states:
When two people have feelings for each other, they tend (sometimes also very subtly) to lean towards each other.
You could use this science when you are going to have a drink or something to eat with your ex. Ask yourself the following questions:
- How will my ex sit? (calm, nervous, in the middle of the chair, on the edge, etc.)
- What place does my ex choose to sit in this room?
- My ex leans back or forward
- Is my ex relaxed or more stressed?
Taking up space: the distance between you and your ex
You might initially say: the distance one takes during a conversation is mainly culture-bound. For example, people from Arab countries are usually very close to each other. In Italy, it is not uncommon to see 2 men with their arms lovingly walking around each other’s shoulders. They want to smell each other’s scent, feel each other’s warmth. An American, on the other hand, does not feel comfortable when he is close to another.
The correct distance one takes is an unconscious social norm: one automatically adapts to it. The nicer we find someone, the closer we get to that person.
For example, psychologist Byrne showed that ‘taking a distance’ can serve as a useful indicator of sympathy. He introduced male and female students to each other and then sent randomly formed couples out to have coffee for half an hour. Then the couples returned to his office.
When they entered, the psychologist unnoticed registered how close they were to each other. Byrne discovered that the more sympathetic the students found each other, the closer they were to each other.
Does Byrne’s tracking method work? I would suggest try it out! You may know someone who has an affair and who goes out of their way to keep it a secret. Is he betraying himself? Is he at a cocktail party closer to his wife or lover? You can learn so much from non-verbal behavior if you pay attention to that!
How do I know if my ex is still sexually attracted to me?
When someone is sexually attracted to the other, you can also see that in his or her body language.
What patterns betray that behavior? Here are a few traits that betray sexual attraction:
- we become a lot more beautiful as if by magic
- we shine and the eyes are brighter
- we blush or turn pale
- the posture becomes straighter
- we retract our stomach
For example, the woman strokes her hair, looks at her vanity mirror, arranges her clothes. The man fiddles nervously with his tie, buttons up his jacket, and pulls up his socks. These expressions just mean to say: I am interested in you. You in me too?
How can I know if my ex still loves me?
As was made clear in this article, you can deduce from many things on a non-verbal level to answer the question: is my ex still in love with me?
To summarize again, we have described how people transmit love signals indirectly by:
- eye contact
- take up space and space (standing close together or not)
- posture (straight back, abdomen, tilt, etc.)
- appearance (rays, excitement, etc.)
If 2 people love each other, this also betrays itself in other ways.
First, lovers tend to exaggerate their partner’s virtues and condone their mistakes “love is a bit blind.” They are very carried away by their emotions.
When your ex approaches you kindly and with a sense of responsibility, you can say that there are feelings. The question now is:
What do you do next? How do you react?
Psychologists have learned that our feelings about ourselves, whether we have basic self-esteem or self-doubt, inevitably influence our view of others’ judgment of us.
Men and women with particularly strong self-esteem and those with very weak self-esteem react very differently to admiration and criticism.
The former love to be praised, but for the sake of convenience, they know how to ignore, ignore, or forget criticism.
The second group reacts exactly the other way around. They are constantly focused on criticism. They notice, accept, and remember that criticism for a very long time.
We can all protect our egos very conveniently. Even if we are deeply interested in someone, we first carefully stick out our feelers to find out what the other person is thinking and only then decide whether it is worthwhile to make further efforts.
- People with self-esteem quickly detect whether someone is interested in them and quickly decide whether or not to respond.
- People with low self-esteem do not. They often miss a subtle signal. In fact, some have so low self-esteem that it obscures their judgment.
I will give you an example based on a story. I once had a girlfriend who didn’t think well of herself. She thought she was ugly, had bad skin and her ankles were too thick. The bottom line was that it must be difficult for a man to like her.
She regularly dated a man who said he liked her, but she was not sure. She said “he never wants to be seen with me in public,” she complained. “All he wants is to hang out in his flat, listen to music, and make love. He doesn’t really love me, he just wants cheap sex ‘
On her birthday she went out with him again and came home crying. What had happened? He had taken her to a party, and when he brought her home that night he just kissed her. She cried saying “he’s trying to get rid of me and doesn’t even think I’m sexy anymore”
She also couldn’t explain clearly what he should have done to convince her that he cared about her because she always had something to say.
Think about it. Have you prepared to be rejected? Are you inclined to explain your ex’s behavior in such a way that whatever he or she does, you take it as clear evidence that he/she no longer has feelings for you?
If so, quit winning back your ex because you will never be able to. Of course, it is also possible that your ex has varying feelings for you and that he or she is not yet sure whether you are the one
“If you love someone set them free in the first place, if they love you they’ll come back”
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Is My Ex Still In Love With Me? by Theresa Alice