Want to find out the no contact rule male psychology? It is exactly as it sounds for no contact: no form of communication or physical contact with your ex.
Ending a relationship is never fun. The emotional roller coaster that follows is often even less fun. While you have lived with someone for years and are supported by thick and thin, it is suddenly over. Anyone who carries out research for themselves to get through this phase completely will come across the no-contact rule. It is one of the many ways to process a relationship breakdown easier.
Learn How the act of IGNORING your ex is actually a ridiculously effective way of re-building attraction (sound totally counter-intuitive? Yep, it is.)
No Contact Rule Male Psychology
What is the No Contact Rule?
With the no-contact rule, also known as the “no contact rule”, there is only one condition that you must meet: no contact with your ex. It is exactly as it sounds: no form of communication or physical contact with your ex.
No apps, visits, e-mail, text messages, calls, messages on social media and of course no goodbye sex after it is out. Even if the other person tries to contact you, you hold on to this one rule that prohibits you from having contact.
No contact = no contact
- No phone calls
- No physical encounters
- Do not drive past the house
- Not being in the same place by accident
- No Facebook, Instagram or Twitter DMs
- No apps or text messages
- Don’t ask about your ex through mutual friends
- No status messages that are clearly intended for your ex
- Don’t look at the social media profiles of your ex
Why does it exist?
The “no contact rule” has been created to set a hard condition so that you can say goodbye to your previous relationship. The longer you stay in contact with your ex, the harder it is to get over your ex. Therefore, the no-contact rule is the best way to create the necessary clarity that it is over forever.
The No Contact Rule is also used in criminal organizations that prohibit members from talking to the media or police.
It is difficult
The apparently simple rule does not exist for anything, but it is not easy to do it. It may even be one of the most difficult things to do if you have been together for many years. The weekly Netflix marathons visit family and groceries at the local supermarket; suddenly you have to do everything alone. After the relationship is broken, you suddenly realize that you only have to continue. The loneliness and emotions fill your body with adrenaline, sadness, and helplessness.
You prefer to contact your ex directly to discuss how you feel. Maybe you also want to discuss whether it was really the right choice or maybe you can still remain friends?
It is not strange that you think about the possibility of staying in contact with each other. Everyone does that who breaks up. Change is difficult and by keeping in touch this change seems less disastrous for your life. The opposite is true. Keeping in touch with an ex-partner does not help you further but is a straightforward step back.
To prevent you from making the same mistake over and over again and returning to an unfortunate relationship or relationship that is doomed to fail, there is the no contact rule. It prevents you from doubting yourself and speeds up the healing of a fracture.
How long does the “no contact rule” last?
Opinions are divided on how long you have to adhere to the rule. In most cases, it is recommended to last for at least 30 days. This method is also known as the “30-day rule”. After this month you can evaluate what you think about that moment. Is there still a good reason to contact your ex again or have you become aware within a month that it will not help you further? If you have not had enough time after 30 days, be prepared to extend it to 60 or 90 days.
A month seems short, but if you try it for yourself this is a pretty long period, especially if your ex-contact is looking for and you don’t hear from you. The 30-day period is needed to show you what it feels like to no longer live with your partner. It prepares you for the final break where you no longer need to see or speak to your ex.
What many people experience in this period is a combination of emptiness, sadness, loneliness but also a somewhat strange oasis of peace. It gives you time to process the break, to mourn, but also to put everything together.
The emotions continue to exist if you keep in touch so that you are unable to give it a place. Out of sight, out of the heart is the basis of the no-contact rule.
For who is it?
The rule to avoid contact with your ex does not apply to everyone. Whether it is the best solution for your situation depends on your feelings, the situation, but also on how the relationship came to an end. Different situations are possible:
- You decide the other wants to continue
- The other person decides, you actually don’t want that
- You make the decision together
A happy ending is possible because there is no love left on both sides, but only friendship. In this situation, the no-contact rule is useless. You are emotionally independent of your ex already. This also applies to situations that mean a happy ending for you but not for your ex. It is useless to follow the rule. The only reason why breaking contact even then is a wise choice is not to give your ex any hope of reunification.
In practice, it often happens that a breach is initiated by one of the two partners, not by both at the same time. For example, it is possible that you are still hopelessly in love with your ex, but that your ex breaks the relationship. This is a happy ending for your ex but not for you. The no-contact rule is specifically intended for this type of situation, which means a sad outcome for you. If you are left with a broken heart, while your ex is flirting with a single after another, then the no-contact rule applies to you.
The last resort?
What matters with the well-known “no contact rule” is that it helps you to process a relationship break so that you do not go back to your ex with hanging feet. A theory that is discussed on many of the “ex back” websites is that the rule can also be used to win back male ex-partners. The basis of this tactic is that the man wants what he cannot have. The man wants to hunt and by not having contact with him you create a desire that the man cannot resist. If the man realizes that you don’t need him, he wants you and he finally realizes what he had. It works, according to many writers, but whether you do yourself a favor with it is another question.
As you can understand, the “no contact rule” is not applicable if you have children together and have a co-parenting. In that case, you limit the conversations to a minimum and you only discuss the matters that have to do with the children. This also applies to emergency situations such as the discovery of an STD and the mandatory partner warning.
How can the no-contact rule help you?
Keeping in touch after a relationship breakdown can help you in various ways. It helps you to process the broken relationship, but it also gives you time to think about what has happened. The classic rule can help you in these ways:
1. It prevents you from entering the error
2. It gives you time to think
Keeping in touch with your ex will obscure your view of the truth. The truth why the relationship has come to the point that a break was inevitable. By not seeing your ex and not speaking, you get the time to think carefully about everything. You can see at your own pace why the relationship broke down, why it didn’t work and who is really guilty.
3. It gives you a different perspective
Conversations with your ex can cause you to stay stuck in the same perspective, the perspective that is often not based on reality. The focus is then on how beautiful you have been together and what would have to change to be together again. What is forgotten in the background is the search for the real reason why the relationship failed.
People often only find out after the relationship how wrong they were or how they were fooled. This is because you can only view the relationship from a different perspective if you no longer enter the relationship.
4 You can recover faster
Staying in touch with your ex works against your recovery. If your ex remains part of your life, it’s impossible to close it and move on. Perhaps you or your ex even think that you will probably meet again someday. These thoughts are based on hope and unrealistic desires, not on how the fork really works. 4
A study published in 2012 in the journal Cyberpsychology shows that people who view the ex’s profile on Facebook are more likely to have negative feelings for the person, yearn for the person, and are less likely to recover after the breakup.
The thoughts of your ex do not help you recover but do increase the chance that you will go wrong again by making the wrong choice. By distancing yourself from your ex you can accept the break faster so that you can let go more and more and eventually go on with your own life.
5. It gives you the chance of new experiences
A broken relationship takes time, effort, and energy. Even when the relationship is over and you maintain contact with your ex, it continues to demand your attention. New experiences are necessary to be able to continue with your life. Whether meeting new people or new activities with people you already know; all these new experiences help you to move forward.
Every time you answer an app from your ex, call your ex or check his or her Facebook activities, it’s a missed opportunity for an experience that brings you closer to letting go.
The no-contact rule is there to help you, not to help your ex get rid of you. The rule helps you to identify the true reasons behind the relationship breakdown and brings you back to reality. Breaking up all contact is difficult, but often essential to face the facts. After a relationship breakdown, there are various phases that are completed, and that goes faster when you no longer have contact with your ex. It is crucial to think of yourself after a break-up so that you face the future healthier and stronger.
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No Contact Rule Male Psychology by Theresa Alice